Psalm 90

I don't remember exactly when, but sometime around the time Baby was placed with us I was reading Psalm 90.   The last verse in this Psalm asks God to "establish the work of our hands."  These words jumped off the page getting my attention.  I prayed that God would do this regarding our work in Baby's life.
You see, God has been so good to use His word to encourage and speak to me during this fostering journey.  So I felt that God was leading me to this verse to claim it for this Baby.  As I prayed about claiming this verse, I read a devotional written by Priscilla Shirer.  She wrote about Gideon asking God for a sign to confirm that God really was speaking to Gideon, pointing out that Gideon asked God to do a hard thing regarding the dew and the fleece.  Priscilla challenged us to not be afraid to ask God to do a hard thing.  So I took on the challenge and asked God to "establish" Baby.
For the past ten months this has been my main prayer for Baby.  I thought I understood what this meant.  I thought I was praying that Baby would stay and be established in our home.   More recently, as it began to look as if Baby would be leaving us, I questioned whether I was ever correct in claiming this verse for him.  I guess it also made me more disappointed in God's plan because I had hoped that he would be established and trusted God to do just that.
Baby has been gone for one week, and for several days after he had been gone, I avoided reading my Bible because I hadn't been sleeping well, and I honestly was still disappointed in God's plan.  I finally gave in and picked up where I left off in my reading schedule.  That was Psalm 90.  I read The Message version, and I was encouraged when I read this Psalm.   But I still didn't realize I was reading the exact same Psalm that God had led me to months ago.  The next day, I read it again because I liked it so much and then decided to read it in the ESV just to see how the words differed.  That is when it finally hit me that these were the exact words God wanted me to read back then and now.  
Honestly, I still don't get it.  I don't know if I keep claiming this verse for Baby, or I keep praying that God established the work of our hands with whatever other kids we will have in our home.  However, it is comforting to me that God has led me back to this Psalm as if to confirm that He did lead me there in the beginning and still wants me to cling to His words spoken here.  Whatever happens with Baby, I do pray that the love we poured into him will take root and help establish a good foundation for his life.  Whatever happens with the next step in our foster parenting journey, I pray that God will establish the work of our hands.

Psalm 90 

Lord, you have been our dwelling place^[a]
    in all generations.
² Before the mountains were brought forth,
    or ever you had formed the earth and the world,
    from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

³ You return man to dust
    and say, “Return, O children of man!”^[b]
4 For a thousand years in your sight
    are but as yesterday when it is past,
    or as a watch in the night.

⁵ You sweep them away as with a flood; they are like a dream,
    like grass that is renewed in the morning:
⁶ in the morning it flourishes and is renewed;
    in the evening it fades and withers.

⁷ For we are brought to an end by your anger;
    by your wrath we are dismayed.
⁸ You have set our iniquities before you,
    our secret sins in the light of your presence.

⁹ For all our days pass away under your wrath;
    we bring our years to an end like a sigh.
¹⁰ The years of our life are seventy,
    or even by reason of strength eighty;
yet their span^[c] is but toil and trouble;
    they are soon gone, and we fly away.
¹¹ Who considers the power of your anger,
    and your wrath according to the fear of you?

¹² So teach us to number our days
    that we may get a heart of wisdom.
¹³ Return, O Lord! How long?
    Have pity on your servants!
¹⁴ Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
    that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
¹⁵ Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
    and for as many years as we have seen evil.
¹⁶ Let your work be shown to your servants,
    and your glorious power to their children.
¹⁷ Let the favor^[d] of the Lord our God be upon us,
    and establish the work of our hands upon us;
    yes, establish the work of our hands!

Hard

We found out that our little guy is going to leave us this week.  It was hard to hear that there is a definite end to the time we have left with him.  Honestly, I've been on the verge of tears all week.  I have been avoiding people because I know answering their questions will just lead to more tears.  The hardest part is to see the pain in the eyes of Kailee and Benjamin.  They love him so much and will miss him terribly.
For a few days I even didn't want to read my Bible.  I just was too disappointed with God's plan at the moment that I chose to do all the talking.   I didn't want to hear from him because I knew it wasn't what I wanted to hear - surprise, baby gets to stay.
But finally I relented and picked up where I had left off with my normal Bible reading schedule.  I didn't have much hope of being encouraged because I am reading in Numbers.  Yeah, I bet you haven't heard of any earth shattering Bible studies coming from the book of Numbers either.  But there in Numbers 11, I read about the Israelites complaining about not getting something they wanted.  Okay, I can totally relate to that.  For the past several days, I've been complaining to God about all these other people who have been able to adopt without any hassle or heartache.  So maybe God did have something for me in this chapter of the Bible.
But then I continued reading and saw the burden that was on Moses.  Here he was being obedient to God, and yet he had the burden of dealing with these people who were not easy to deal with.  Ah- ha!  Here is where God wants to speak to me because I can totally relate to being burdened.  Honestly, there have been several situations Ozzie and I have been dealing with that have been hard within the last few weeks.
The really frustrating thing for me is seeing how the sin of some people effects so many lives, including sweet baby and others we have been ministering to.  Here in Numbers, the sin of the people was a heavy burden for Moses, yet it was God who had asked Moses to minister to these people.  So Moses comes before God pleading that this burden was too heavy for Moses to carry alone.  Yes, Moses - I get it!  That's me.
So I kept on reading to see what God would do for Moses.  And you know He didn't take Moses out of ministry and remove the burden completely, but He eased Moses' burden by providing help.  He had seventy people help Moses handle the people of Israel.
I started looking for my help.  Well, it came in little surprises of grace throughout the past few days.  He has used completely unexpected phone calls reminding me of God working out His plan in other areas I hadn't considered, the support and encouragement of other ministry leaders, a perfectly timed text message, a surprise visit from baby's lawyer, and the prayer of so many of you.  God has been encouraging me each day.  And you know what, I didn't cry today!!
I looked up the definition of ministry in the dictionary and was disappointed.  It is a very concise, cold definition stating that it is a service or function of a minister.  Duh!  Well, I have my own definition.  Ministry is helping others with their burdens, and as a result ministry is hard.   Despite how hard it is, we are blessed for our obedience to God and we are witnesses of His displays of majesty and grace.   Rather than dwelling on my burden, I am looking forward to witnessing God's graciousness in helping me with it.