Beauty from pain

It has been two years since my face had a run-in with a golf club.  I vividly remember asking God why He would allow this to happen when He could have easily just prompted me to duck out of the way as we were driving to the hospital.  The pain was not fun, and I still bear a permanent mark from the injury; however, through that ordeal God began working His wonderful plan that led us to adopting two wonderful boys who are now our forever family.
At the time of the accident, we were fostering a little baby whom we had left in respite care rather than making him endure the drive to Arizona.  Because of my injury and subsequent surgery, we needed an extra week of respite, but the original family was unable to do it, so baby boy was sent to stay with another foster family.  Enter the "M" Family.  They loved that sweet baby like crazy, and our families became friends.   Dawn and I would share our foster struggles together and encourage each other.
One year after they provided respite for us, baby boy left us.  We were heartbroken, and Dawn was such an encouragement to me.  Around the same time, her family received a new foster placement, a little boy who was about a year and a half old.  I remember talking to her about her new little one and his back story.
When our baby boy had left, I began praying about taking in older kids than what we had been caring for which was three and under.   I had also begun to ask God about switching to matched adoption rather than fostering in order to spare us the pain of losing another little one.  I felt a peace about changing up our plan, and I had begun to discuss this with Ozzie when we got a call from our neighbor regarding a baby girl who needed a home.  Isabella came to us two days later, and I was left thanking God but also wondering and praying about older kids because I really felt that was where He had been leading us before we received Isabella.
About six weeks later, Dawn texted me asking for the number of our first respite family, then on a whim (I believe a prompting from God), she asked if we would be interested in taking in her little guy's older brother, ages 3 and 5.  She also informed me that most likely this would be an adoptive placement.  I called Ozzie knowing for sure he would laugh me right off the phone, but his reply was simply "I'm open to it."  That was the beginning of another whirlwind placement, and two sweet boys became ours.
As they've been with us we've uncovered a lot of pain in their past, and as it began to move more clearly to adoption, we asked the boys about changing their names.  They were both very excited to have new names to go with their new life in our home.  We gave them some names to choose from, and the older boy used different Bible stories as his inspiration.  He liked the name David because David was brave and strong when he defeated Goliath.  Our David was going through a time when he had to speak up about some things that required him to be brave and strong.  We also had read about Joseph and all the bad things that had happened to him.  But our David was encouraged by the verse Genesis 50:20 stating that God was able to bring about good from the harm that others inflicted on Joseph.  So David Joseph is his new name.
Andrew was mistakenly called Andrew before we had even talked about changing names, and he had told me that he wished that his name was Andrew.  Fast forward several months and it officially is.  This was of course after we had convinced him that Wolverine was not a good name since his friends would probably be afraid of his hands and fingernails.  He thought that reason was good enough to go with Andrew instead of Wolverine.  Timothy is his middle name because in the Bible Timothy, although young, is wise and not to be discounted because of his youth.  Andrew, although he is the younger brother, is the encourager and comforter.  He is wise despite his youth.  Plus it sounded like "TNT" which Andrew had convinced himself was going to be his new middle name.
The story of how the boys came to us begins with pain, but it is a great testimony of how God worked such a wonderful blessing(s) out of that.  The boys' story is when that also begins with pain and hardship, but we are confident that God will use it to bring about His plan that will be far better that we could ever ask or imagine for these two sweet boys.

Happy smiles on adoption day!

Behold - A New Thing

Wow, six months since my last post.  As I think back to six months ago, I remember what was on my heart to write, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  It was the beginning of a new year, and I was praying over what Scripture I needed to memorize.  I needed God to encourage me through His word because I was sad and confused that the little girl who was supposed to be ours would be returning to her biological father.
God kept leading me back to Isaiah 43:19, "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?  I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."  Honestly, I questioned why God would give me this verse.  What new thing could He possibly do?  Did this mean a new baby?  I didn't want another baby; I wanted Isabella.  I could see no option that would allow her to stay in our home.  But God kept leading me back to this verse, so I reluctantly waited to see what He would do.  What river could He possibly make in my desert?
I remember once I gave up and told God that I would trust Him, I felt complete peace.  My situation hadn't changed at all, but He had been so clear in His word that He was doing something just trust Him, that I knew that was the choice I had to make.  So early on Wednesday morning, January 8th, I left my quiet time feeling a peace I couldn't understand because I was trusting a plan I couldn't even see or comprehend.
About two hours later, as we were rushing out the door to drop off one of the kids at preschool, my cell phone rang.  I saw on the caller ID that it was Isabella's CPS caseworker.  I answered it expecting a quick reminder about the unsupervised visit coming up the following day.  I was mistaken.  She was calling to tell me that Isabella's biological father had passed away.  Even as I type this six months later, I still feel shocked. I remember falling to my knees in tears because I was so overwhelmed with shock, but yet I was also overwhelmed by amazement that this is what God meant.
I trust in a God who controls the universe.  He controls life and death.  He knows the days of my life and has them numbered.  He knew the day of this man's death.  He knew this would happen and that would eventually lead us to this past week- June 19th.  Adoption day.  Isabella Faith is now our forever daughter. God has brought more closure to our situation because we have since found out that her father had shared with a family member that if he wasn't able to parent her that his wish was for her to stay with us.  We also will be able to share with her how he had worked so hard to get her back and had done everything he needed to in order to bring that about.  We also are so thankful that Isabella had not yet been placed in his home or that this did not happen on the day of her visit.
As I was reading again in Isaiah 43 on Thursday morning before her adoption, I came to verse 21, "that they might declare my praise."  That is why God brought us on this journey.  He wanted me to trust Him even when I couldn't see the road in front of me.  He wanted me to trust Him in the desert so that I could now stand on the mountain and declare His praise.

Introducing Isabella

I Lied

When the boys first came to our home, it was clear from the questions they were asking that they had been mistreated in various ways.  I wasn't exactly sure what the adults in their past had told them, but I was nearly certain they had been lied to in the past.  So right off the bat, we explained to them that we would not hit them when they were in trouble, which was their primary concern, and I also assured them that I would not lie to them.  I wanted them to be able to trust what I told them.
Needless to say, I have worked really hard over the past six months not to lie to them.  I have gone out of my way to keep my word to them no matter how insignificant it might seem.   On several occasions I have assured them, as most parents do, that monsters are not real.  They are not hiding under the bed or in the closet, and there aren't any monsters hidden anywhere else in our home.  It never occurred to me to answer their "what if" questions any other way.
As time has passed, and we have learned more about what they have endured, it has dawned on me that I have lied to them.  There are monsters.  The boys lived with a monster for a long time.  They suffered at the hands of this monster.  I wonder what they thought when I originally had told them that there were no monsters.  I bet they thought I had no idea what I was talking about.  And they are right.  I cannot fathom the pain they have gone through.  I cannot understand what their minds must relive some nights while they toss and turn fitfully in their sleep.  I cannot foresee the amount of time it will take for them to fully comprehend, if ever, that they did not do anything to deserve this treatment.  It had nothing to do with them.  It had everything to do with the monster.
Often the boys will refer to this person as a monster.  They have drawn pictures of the monster.  They have dreams that they kill the monster with their swords.  Their play therapist was pointing out that it's good for them to have this victory in their dreams.  It shows they feel bigger and stronger than the monster now.  I hope they continue to feel this way, but even if there are days that they don't, I continue to trust that God will reveal to them that through Him they are more than conquerors even over the monster that I now know is real.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?... No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  Romans 8:35,37