Can you hear it? You must be able to because it feels like my heart is pounding so loudly that all could hear. With every beat, another question is hurled up at God. Like an automatic rifle, just an endless barrage of "What about this God" and "It's not fair" thoughts my mind shoots off at His throne. And like Job, I don't hear an answer. I hear the answers of Scripture assuring me of the promises of God, but I guess right now that is not the answer my heart wants to hear. I want to hear that this sweet baby can stay and we will not lose him to a home where I am not confident of his safety.
The last time I heard this pounding, this anxious heart of mine, was when I was losing another life, a life I had not even met. I remember the nights when it was so quiet and my mind felt like it was shouting. God did carry me through that time of loss, and I know that He will do the same now. That doesn't mean the hurt will go away or I will sleep peacefully over the next month as we wait yet again to see if this sweet baby we have poured our love into will remain with us. But I know that in each moment, whether it feels true in the moment or not, God's heart pounds with love for me and somehow He is working out His perfect will in the life of my family.
Philippians 1:6 I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
